ASHLEY: He can jam, I've seen it.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
ASHLEY: I've seen it.
MATT: "I got jam." (laughter)
MATT: Goes and starts making a little sandwich.
ROBBIE: It's on my shirt. (laughter)
MATT: "See if you can follow." Pulls out this kinda nice fiddle that she had kinda hidden underneath.
LAURA: Are you going to Guidance him?
SAM: Yeah, I'm going to cast Enhance Ability.
LAURA: Ooh!
MARISHA: Yay!
ROBBIE: This isn't about me. You don't want two stresses.
MATT: "Oh, this is entirely about you, honey, I'm sorry. You walk in here looking like that, saying that you're a well-traveled musician. I can't lose an opportunity to take you down several pegs."
ROBBIE: Oh, you shit. I'm going to pick my lute back out. Is this a "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" scenario right now?
MATT: Yeah, it is!
ASHLEY: Yes, let's go!
MARISHA: Dueling violins!
SAM: Okay, I am going to go over to Dorian and just sorta say: Well, no matter what happens, just keep it positive, and remember, you just don't rush the beat, all right. I'll cast Enhance Ability: Eagle's Splendor, so you have advantage on all performance checks.
ROBBIE: Oh. All right.
MATT: How does that look as you cast it upon him?
SAM: Oh boy. (laughs) Never cast this spell before.
MATT: I know that's why--
SAM: I don't know what to do.
MATT: First time with spells, that's standard.
SAM: Sure. I'll just have you look straight into my eyes and my eyes will just sort of glow blue and shine a light into yours, sort of lighting yours up blue for a second.
ROBBIE: That feels nice.
MARISHA: (laughs)
ROBBIE: I will start to lay down the rhythm section of a funky little rural beat.
MATT: All right, all right.
SAM: Rural?
MARISHA: Rural beat.
LAURA: Right as he starts to play, I'm going to Prestidigitation and little lights are going to sparkle up around his head, and it's going to look like in lights it says, "Dorian Storm." (laughter, cheering)
MATT: If you could audibly hear an eye roll out of Anni as the head goes to-- (laughter)
MATT: "This is the company you keep? Sure." As she's saying that to you, you can see that the back of her heel is starting to pick up on the beat instinctually. She starts rolling into it a bit.
LIAM: Wait, wait, come here, there's something in your hair.
ROBBIE: Oh, thank you.
LIAM: As he bends down a blue flower blooms out of Orym's hand and is now tucked into Dorian's hair.
SAM: Everything. We're throwing everything.
MATT: I had to kick the battle music in because here we are.
LIAM: Anni has to [inaudible] rushed.
MARISHA: Oh my god.
ROBBIE: Oh no.
MATT: With that, as soon as you start laying down the beat, Anni starts hitting the fiddle and it's low string and pick up, pick up, matching your beat, but also taking what you're laying down and beginning to guide it and trying to overpower it a bit. Make a performance check.
SAM: Come on, come on.
LAURA: With advantage.
SAM: With advantage, with advantage, with advantage. (cheering)
ROBBIE: Oh, let's go! That'll be a natural 20.
MATT: Oh shit! (cheering)
MATT: Plus, plus?
LIAM: See if you can get two. See if you can get two of them.
MARISHA: Just in case.
ROBBIE: Plus what?
MATT: Plus performance.
ROBBIE: Oh, plus my performance, 27.
MATT: Yeah, see. (cheering)
TALIESIN: Roll again, roll again.
LIAM: I want to see you get two natural 20s.
ROBBIE: That would never happen. (screaming) Holy shit!
MARISHA: Oh my god, it did! (cheering)
ROBBIE: Let's go!
ASHLEY: What?!
MATT: What the fuck?
LIAM: Yes! (laughter)
ROBBIE: Magic! My friends!
LAURA: Are you serious?
MATT: What the fuck was that?!
MARISHA: I know, it's right there!
MATT: Take a picture of that shit! (laughter)
MARISHA: Let me get my phone. Hang on.
ROBBIE: ♪ Do it, do it, do it. ♪ It's magical.
ASHLEY: Oh my god.
MATT: You asshole.
ROBBIE: Now I feel blessed.
Campaign 3 Episode 6, "Growing Bonds and Teasing Threads," December 2, 2021
Thanks to critrole.fandom.com for the transcript from the episode shown above.
Recipe Title
I want to see you get 2 natural 20's
I know the opening quote for this post was a little long, but come on - double natural 20's?! Anyway, you might notice that this post is from December, and that's intentional. The recipe for last week's episode will be out next week with the next new episode of campaign 3. I like to take off weeks to make recipes that I thought about but didn't get the opportunity to make at the time, or maybe things that might be fun to make but take more effort. This doesn't take more effort, but I've really wanted to make it!
I, personally, love bacon. And I know I'm not alone in that. It has a lot of nicknames it's acquired over the years (nature's candy, the internet's favorite food, etc). You can find bacon flavored almost anything. And so, it occurred to me, if any food ever rolled a double nat 20 in terms of taste, it might have been bacon. In honor of Dorian's double nat 20 for his jam session, I decided to combine the two, and today I'm happy to present Bacon Jam.
You can do just about anything with bacon jam that you would do with regular jam - actually, more! We like to put it on hamburgers, but it would also do well on chicken breast, or even just plain on a piece of toast! It might also make a nice addition to your charcuterie board. This recipe isn't too complicated. If you're making it for just a few people, this version will do. If you want to have it out at a party or make sure you have enough for more than 2 people, I suggest doubling the recipe (maybe even more, if you're expecting, for example, all of Vox Machina). This makes about a cup of jam, but that doesn't go as far as you might expect. Without further ado, Let's Jam!
Ingredients
- 3/4 lb bacon
- 1 yellow onion
- 2 cloves of garlic
- 1 Tablespoon of maple syrup
- 1/4 cup brown sugar
- 1 Tablespoon Worcestershire
- 1 Tablespoon water
Directions
- Chop your bacon into chunks about 1/2 in size. Thinly slice your onions. We want the onions to kind of stay in their strand shape, so slicing is what you wanna do, not dicing. Finely chop the garlic
- Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. When the pan is hot, add the bacon. Cook and stir occasionally until the bacon is just about cooked all the way through. (There's no timer for this sorry, you'll just have to know cooked bacon when you see it.)
- While the bacon cooked, I mixed the other ingredients - maple syrup, Worcestershire, water, and eventually brown sugar, so they were all ready to go later.
- Once the bacon is cooked drain off all of the grease except for about 1-2 Tablespoons worth - keep that in the pan.
- Turn the heat down to medium-low and add the onions and garlic. Stir to coat in the bacon grease and let them cook for about 2-3 minutes.
- Once the onions start to soften add the rest of the ingredients (whether or not you mixed them previously is up to you, but they all gotta go in now). Allow everything to cook slowly over the lower heat for about 8-10 minutes or until the jam is thickened.
- Remove from heat, and eat immediately. Note: it will be sticky!
Tips, Suggestions, and Substitutions
Tips & Suggestions
- This turned out to be the perfect recipe for me because of what I had made the last few weeks! If you decide to make this and find that you have some ingredients leftover, the bacon goes great in Pretty's Bacon-Wrapped Dates, and the maple syrup simply shines in Fearne's "Why I Love Maple Syrup," salmon sheet pan dinner.
- For me, this is a perfect burger topping because of the mix of the sweet, savory, and salty. You might want to still have other toppings on your burger, but I promise, it's really good.
- As I previously mentioned this could also be spread over some chicken breast. I would recommend cooking the chicken first, and then adding a healthy amount of this to top and coat - maybe even while the chicken is still in the pan.
- As I mentioned before, this makes about 1 cup of jam, which will not go very far beyond 2 people, if I'm being honest. Plan accordingly.
Substitutions
- You could also probably get away with a white onion for this recipe. Yes, onion colors do matter. My typical suggestion is, whatever you like on your burger, should be what you use here, or, just stick with yellow, if you aren't sure.
- If this is too much Worcestershire sauce for you, go down to a teaspoon.
- I do think you could use imitation bacon or turkey bacon to get this same effect, and in doing so this would become vegetarian pretty easily (possibly vegan, but I can't promise that as I don't know what composes all of the ingredients).
In Conclusion...
My partner, who doesn't like onions on his burger, was fully game for this. We both enjoyed it, actually! This and ketchup and we didn't need anything else. It definitely adds a different sweet note to a burger that works better than you expect! It does take a little bit of time, on account of needing to cook the bacon, but not burn it, but it really is worth it, especially if you want to make a bigger batch. The inspiration for this recipe came from The Flour Handprint. I added more Worcestershire, took out some of the other ingredients, and halved the recipe to get what I have here, but I think it worked out!
Are you up for a jam session? By which I mean... if you try this recipe, please let me know! I love to hear how it goes for other people. And, as always, if you have any questions or suggestions, or if you are just in the mood to say hi, please leave any of that in the comments below! Also, you can follow me on Pinterest or Twitter, if those kinds of things are your "jam!" Thanks for visiting, and don't forget to love each other. Is it Thursday, yet?
Remember, when rolling with advantage, even if you get a nat 20, roll again, for a chance at some of that sweet Dorian bacon magic.
Original character art by Hannah at @agarthanguide on Twitter.
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