Lick Salted Pretzels - Episode 16

SAM: I'm going to wheel out of there as fast as I can.
TALIESIN: Yeah you are.
TRAVIS: Roll out. (whirring vocalizing)
MATT: Ashton, same?
TALIESIN: Yep, I'm going to peace out. Lick salt, fucker! And we're out. (laughter)
MARISHA and TRAVIS: "Lick salt"?
MATT: All right.
LIAM: (laughs)
TRAVIS: What is he, a slug?
ASHLEY: Oh my god.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
LAURA and LIAM: She's a slug! (laughter)
TALIESIN: Really?
MARISHA: That's so good!
TALIESIN: I don't feel like I deserved that, but thank you. (laughter)
MATT: Charging full speed, head first into the darkness back from whence they came, Bells Hells flees, their quarry in tow, guided by the ever-balancing feet of Fearne, towards where they came.

Campaign 3 Episode 16, "The Shade Mother," March 10, 2022
Thanks to critrole.fandom.com for the transcript from the episode shown above.

a bowl of pretzel bites

Lick Salted Pretzels

Because she's a slug!

I had the same reaction as the gang after that line from Taliesin. So clever.

This recipe was a learning experience. I have no regrets about that, but if I could do it all over again, I'd definitely do some things differently (specifically, read better). The ones that came out good came out really good, but I absolutely know what I did wrong, so, my suggestion to you, don't lean so hard into the slug thing, like I did, and please read the directions carefully

Also, raw dough tastes terrible. 

Ingredients

  • 4 Cups of Water
  • 1 can of Grands Original Biscuits (flaky layers works well)
  • 1/4 cup baking soda
  • 1 egg
  • Coarse Salt
a picture of the ingredients listed above

Directions

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 F Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper and spray with cooking spray. In a medium saucepan, put the water on the stove to boil - once it's boiling reduce it to a simmer.
  2. Open the biscuits and cut them into quarters. Roll the quarters into circles and stamp an X on the top using your knife. (don't cut through, just make the shape)
  3. Once your water is brought from a boil down to a simmer, add in the baking soda and give it a small stir.
  4. Add in your dough balls and boil them for 1 minute.
  5. Scoop them out of the water with a slotted spoon and lay them on the baking sheet. (They might look a little funny but they should NOT be falling apart, like mine)
  6. Beat 1 egg in a small bowl, then brush the egg on top of the boiled dough balls.
  7. Sprinkle with lots of salt (coarse salt is better than table salt, you'll want to use salt you can see)
  8. Bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown
biscuits cut into quarters

biscuits cut, rolled, and stamped with an X

biscuits boiling in water

dough on a baking sheet


Tips, Suggestions, and Substitutions

Tips & Suggestions

  • I learned that the direction of turning the water down to a simmer was really important. I missed that in my original directions, and definitely overcooked the dough in the boiling water. This caused the outside to become too well done so that, when they were put in the oven, even after baking the max time, the centers were still raw. 
  • Definitely make sure you're using a solid coarse salt that you can see. This should be in the baking aisle at your grocery store. 

Substitutions

  • I think just about any kind of Grands biscuits will work, but the recipe originally suggested flaky layers, but I used original.
  • These are really good with pimento cheese, a beer cheese dipping sauce, hummus, or melted butter. You might even want to consider adding them to your charcuterie board. 
  • Another option, instead of salt, you could mix some cinnamon and sugar together and top the pretzels with that! It's really good too for a sweet option.

In Conclusion...

The ones that were cooked were good! The rest were... well, let's just say that you really want to make sure they aren't raw. The one downside of using Grands biscuit dough is the sort of coating in your mouth that you get when you eat their biscuits, you know what I mean? It's definitely still there with these pretzels. I really want to give this recipe another shot, maybe sometime when I'm not so pressed for time and haven't had a super crazy week. There's a lot going on around here (and next week will probably be the same way), but I'm sure that's true just about everywhere, especially since this week is Critical Role's 7 year anniversary! 

I took this entire recipe from Delish. And it is a good recipe! I just executed it not so well. But! How about you? Will you try to make these little pretzel bites? They might be a great snack for game night, and they aren't too complicated! Do let me know if you give them a shot, and how they turn out for you! And, if you have any questions or suggestions, or just wanna say hi, please leave them in the comments below. Remember to follow me on Pinterest or Twitter, if those kinds of things are your jam. Thanks for visiting, and don't forget to love each other. Is it Thursday, yet?

I don't feel like I deserved that, but thank you.

images from the post in a format for Twitter

Original character art by Hannah at @agarthanguide on Twitter.

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