TRAVIS: Let's go.
LIAM: Come on, Fearnie!
TRAVIS: Let's go, Mighty Mouse.
LIAM: Let's go!
LAURA: What if you get smooshed?
TRAVIS: Ratatouille, Ratatouille.
LIAM: She doesn't poof--
TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh no.
LIAM: She grows.
ASHLEY: Eight.
TRAVIS: Oh no.
MATT: Eight?
ROBBIE: Yikes.
TRAVIS: Oh no.
MATT: You-- Okay. Here's what I'll do.
TRAVIS: Let's go!
MATT: Roll a d6 for me.
MARISHA: It's going to be funny!
MATT: On a one to three, the weight does just enough to get a hit point of damage to you, on a four to six, you manage to shrug it off and not take any damage.
LAURA: Do you have one hit point?
ASHLEY: Two. (gasping)
MARISHA: We're going in!
MATT: How many hit points do you have as a rat?
TRAVIS: It's got to be one.
LIAM: It's got to be a 1d4 situation.
ASHLEY: It's a 1d4.
LAURA: Okay, roll. Oh! You can't have less than one!
MATT: Roll a 1d4.
LAURA: Oh my god, what if you get--? Get a four! Get a four!
TRAVIS: Yeah, if she loses one hit point, she goes (poof)
ROBBIE: Oh no!
MATT: Let me double-check here real fast.
LIAM: She doesn't Frumpkin out. She grows six feet.
ASHLEY: It's a two.
LAURA: Yes!
TALIESIN: You have one hit point.
SAM: Maybe?
MATT: Wait, a rat, a tiny beast, has one--
ASHLEY: Wait, did you say roll a d4? Yeah, that's right, okay, sorry.
MATT: So it says under rat, right?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
MATT: What's it say for hit points?
ASHLEY: It says one and then in parentheses it says 1d4-1.
MATT: Okay.
TRAVIS: But what if you roll--
LAURA: Oh no!
LAURA and SAM: You minus one.
LAURA: So, one. (laughing)
LIAM: My cat was max four.
MATT: Yeah. So as you're listening in, listening in, both guards about-face and begin walking towards you and you scramble away right as you feel the pressure of one of their heavy armored boots step down upon you. As it does... (poof) Suddenly, your vision reverts to eye-level with the two Wardens.
TRAVIS: Six foot!
MATT: They both look at you, eyes wide, and the man behind the counter of the desk goes-- And that's where we're going to go ahead and end tonight.
Campaign 3 Episode 8, "A Woodworker's Quandary," December 16, 2021
Thanks to critrole.fandom.com for the transcript from the episode shown above.
Fearne's Wildshape - Rat
Fearne's a rat. She's going in to hear what they're saying.
Happy New Year, and Happy Thursday, Critters! Welcome to 2022. I hope your end of 2021 was good, you had a nice (long) break from Critical Role and are excited about new episodes, and new recipes! I know I sure as heck am.
Let's talk about this Rat, shall we? Despite the fact that this episode aired half a month (or more) ago, I have had a hard time finding the recipe I wanted to do. Sometimes it's like lightning, other times, it takes more creative thinking, this was one of those times.
I've always wanted to make a cheeseball, for some sort of event in my life because it seems like a fun and pretty easy thing to do. There is just one problem - I don't like cream cheese, which is the main ingredient for a cheese ball. This is very confusing for my partner who is from New York (which is famous for its cheesecake, and bagels), but it's always the way I've been, I wish I could like it, but I don't! But I thought, surely, there must be more than one way to squish a rat. So I got creative, and I am very proud to present, one very tasty cheese ball - without cream cheese!
This recipe makes me happy for so many reasons. For one, it's a rat made of cheese. Two, Fearne is easily the cheesiest member of the group (in a good way!). And three, it tastes good and I was right, it was a fun and pretty easy thing to do! Let's get cheesy!
Ingredients
- 8 oz Laughing Cow Cheese
- 1/2 cup shredded cheese
- 2.5 Tablespoon freeze-dried chives (divided)
- 1 Tablespoon parsley
- 1/4 teaspoon Garlic Powder
- 2 Tablespoons Ranch seasoning
- Dash of black pepper
- 1/4 cup of nuts
- 3 pepperoni slices
- 1 string cheese
- 3-5 pretzel sticks
Directions
- Bring the cheese to room temperature (do not microwave). I left mine sit out overnight as it doesn't need to be refrigerated until after the seal is broken on the wheel-shaped container.
- Put the 8 oz of cheese into a bowl (each wedge is 1 oz, so you'll need 8 wedges). Add in the shredded cheese and mix all of the cheese together.
- Add 1 Tablespoon of freeze-dried chives, parsley, garlic powder, ranch seasoning, and black pepper. Mix well.
- Scoop the mixture onto a piece of plastic wrap. Use the plastic wrap to shape your cheese ball.
- In a bag or separate bowl, crush your nuts into smaller pieces (1/2 to 1/4 inch in size).
- Mix together the crushed nuts and 1.5 Tablespoons of freeze-dried chives. Spread on a plate or flat surface
- Roll cheese ball through the nut mixture and gently press until the ball is thoroughly coated. Re-shape if necessary.
- Use the pepperoni to make ears and a nose, the pretzels to make eyes, whiskers, and a tail, and string cheese to make Fearne's hair. Serve with crackers, veggies, pretzels, or bread.
Tips, Suggestions, and Substitutions
Tips & Suggestions
- If you don't plan to eat the cheese ball right away, you can put it in the fridge - I suggest covering it with plastic wrap. When you want to eat it, take it out of the fridge at least 30 minutes ahead of time so things can soften up and make it easier to spread.
- Wait to add the "hair" until you plan to serve it. While the cheeseball itself can sit in the fridge and probably be just fine, the string cheese will dry out once it's out of the packaging.
Substitutions
- When I made mine I used a mix of Original and Garlic & Herb, but in hindsight, I don't think it matters once you put all of the seasonings in. However, my local store did have a lot of varieties of these soft cheeses, so if you have a favorite, maybe give that flavor a try!
- The shredded cheese that I used was triple cheddar. I think you can use whatever shredded cheese you like, but the finer the shred the better and the easier it is to mix in and eat later.
- I'm not sure that the garlic powder and parsley were necessary along with the ranch seasoning. If I made it again I might leave those out at the start and try it with just the ranch and the chives, and then add them back in if I thought they were needed.
- For the nuts, cashews are what I used but pecans are the traditional option Walnuts might work too, but my suggestion would be to try and stick to the softer varieties of nuts for your coating.
In Conclusion...
Isn't it CUTE?! Ah, it made me so happy to see it finished with its little pepperoni nose and pretzel whiskers! This recipe is 100% from my brain - I looked all over and couldn't find a cheese ball that didn't use cream cheese (with the notable exception of vegan cheese balls, which is also an option but wasn't my goal for this recipe). And I love it. My partner thinks it would be good with some marinara sauce, like a little mini pizza, but I have always loved cheese and crackers, so this little rodent is right up my alley.
I know mine doesn't look very rat-like - the nose needs to be pointier, but I think the general idea still comes across! But, if you make the cheese ball please share it with me! I'd love to see the stuff that people out there are able to create and sculpt out of soft cheese. And, as always, if you have any questions or suggestions, or just wanna say hi, please leave them in the comments below! Also, you can find me on Pinterest or Twitter, as I do my best to post there when new recipes go live. I like to put new ones up every Thursday, right as Critical Role goes live, so give me a follow and see what I make next! Thanks for visiting, and don't forget to love each other. Is it Thursday, yet?
Rat Hit Points: 1 (1d4-1) - Tiny Beast.
Rat Made of Cheese Hit Points: however many crackers you have - Tasty Beast.
Original character art of Fearne by Hannah at @agarthanguide on Twitter.
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